


The Cake Incident

by winter_angst



Series: Winter is a Dick [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Anger, Guilt, M/M, Multiple Personalities, blame, winter!bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:01:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22592203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winter_angst/pseuds/winter_angst
Summary: Winter knows exactly how to get under Steve's skin. Steve cannot help but blame himself.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Winter is a Dick [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1625539
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	The Cake Incident

**Author's Note:**

> i tend to think of winter as this adorable bean who needs all the protection BUT what if winter was a dick?

Steve had been waiting all day for the cake he'd saved from when he and Bucky split the triple decker German chocolate masterpiece. 

They had been celebrating...something. It made Steve's heart heavy to think about Bucky at the moment. He'd only been gone for just over four days but each day felt like a lifetime with Winter skulking underfoot. It was like Bucky had perished all over again but instead of a body not recovered, a parasite had infiltrated his body. It looked like Bucky and sounded like Bucky but it wasn't. 

Not that Winter let anyone think for a moment he was Bucky. At one point Steve exhausted himself trying to find a balance, trying to please this bitter creature that ran Bucky's body. But, finally, had learned the skill of just letting go. And even though he felt like a terrible person, like he was betraying Bucky and Winter (he disliked Winter but he still loved him of course; he remembered the timid Winter who asked for cups of water and if he was allowed to stand on the balcony so he could look at the airplanes in the night sky), he still could step back and know he was doing it for both of them. 

Because self care was important to. 

He relished the times when Winter demanded to see the Commander because it was preferable for everyone in the Tower when he was with Rumlow and Rollins. Winter still seemed to respect Brock which made Steve's stomach churn but Lord knows what Winter would do if no one held any form of control on him. He would gladly drive Winter over to the house in the countryside that Rollins had. He never would have imagined the Strike Commander and his Second pursuing a domestic life together but Steve also wouldn't when imagined he'd get Bucky back part time and have to deal with the remains of the Winter Soldier. Like was funny in a horrible twisted way that only people like Winter could find amusing. 

Still, carting him off was Steve's best bet. Even if it was two hours out of his way it saved him a headache of dealing with each and every Winter-induced issue. Whether it was Winter messing with Tony's equipment and hacking and overriding things he knows he's not supposed to touch, or sparring far too intensely with Clint when he knew he wasn't enhanced, or any other little thing he did to cause discontent. 

Steve knew Winter was unhappy and he didn't blame him but they had tried to remedy the situation many times over with no reprieve. If Winter didn't want to fix things, he couldn't do it for him. Usually Winter hung around for a week or two at most before Bucky came back and Steve was counting down eagerly even thought Winter was still relatively new.

But as he opened the fridge and saw the plate empty he felt a cold flush of anger. The back of his neck prickled and he knew Winter was there, watching him. He knew exactly what he'd done. 

"We talked about this," Steve's tone was impatient but he couldn't help it. He had so little to look forward to when Winter around and he had to spoil everything. Didn't he know how much Steve hated himself for what had happened? "I don't understand — "

"You said everything that is yours is mine." Winter's voice was harsh but his eyes glimmered with childish excitement. "I'm allowed to eat, right Steve?"

Sam has tried to explain to Steve countless times that letting Winter get a rise out of him would only make things worse. Winter was a master manipulator, a skill gained from Hydra and from Brock and from the entire situation that he wouldn't have been in if Steve hadn't asked him to follow him. And he always knew what to say, how it would undercut anything Steve was trying to express. Steve's anger fizzled out and the guilt tunneled in. 

"Of course you're allowed to eat." Winter already knew that; he was just saying it because he knew it bothered Steve. "But we talked about the red plate."

Red because red stood out. Red like Winter's star — he had picked it out with a toothy crimson grin at Target. Then looked at Tasha and said 'red like the room, right Natalia?'. She hadn't reacted and Winter had scowled and stalked off to throw unneeded things into the cart. Steve caught her reaching for the arrow around her neck for the first time in a public space. For a moment her mask slipped and he saw fear and pain and he wanted to hit Winter. Natasha had shrugged it off and said that Winter was just doing what he could for attention. 

"Stop apologizing for him," became the theme of that entire week when Steve tried damage control. He always feared they would get sick of it and kick Winter, and consequently Bucky, to the curb. They hadn't and wouldn't, of course. They all loved Bucky. 

"I forgot. I do that you know. Because of all the time in the Chair." Winter's glare was challenging. "Did you forget?"

"No Winter." He tried not to sigh, he really did. "I don't like it when you try and guilt me instead of having a conversation about what you did."

"I didn't do anything!" Because Winter never did anything. He was a blameless creature, a victim of Steve's own wrongdoings and that wasn't exactly wrong. "You hate me don't you? Because I'm not him."

Steve felt cold inside. "Winter I - " he was horrified and didn't know what else to say at the moment. "No, Winter. I love you — both of you!"

Winter's arm clicked chilling as the plates realigned. "You're a liar," he snapped. "You love him. You hate me. Everyone hates me."

"No they don't." Steve wanted to cry because maybe they did and that was Steve's fault. Winter was this way because of his own short fallings. "God I'm sorry Winter."

Winter's blue gray stare was fixed on some middle distance. "Are you mad at me?" He finally asked, voice hardly above a whisper. Was it Steve or did he look ready to flinch? 

"No. Of course not." He breathed.

Winter smiled and it was cold. "Good. You can't be mad at me," There was an edge to his voice, a threat almost. "I want pizza for dinner."

Steve opened his mouth to remind him they had taken meat out for dinner but Winter already gone. Steve's hand shook as he reached for his phone. He suspected he had been played and manipulated but Winter hid his real feelings under aggression for a reason. Steve should have been better. Steve had to be better. 

He cast a forlorn look at the empty red plate, intentionally left there streaked with the rich frosting. It was a big deal; he may have been disappointed but that was okay. After all who knew when the last time Winter had cake was; Bucky wasn't Winter so they didn't share the same experiences. 

There were some flaws in that knowledge however, flaws that Winter made abundantly clear whenever he made a side-eye at Steve or said something horribly personal in the company of others. Of course Winter always made it clear that Bucky had done those things — not Winter. This week should have been spent at Rumlow’s but something had happened and that was the cause of the poor behavior as of late, Steve assumed.

When Winter made his grand appearance on Tuesday morning Steve had cleaned up breakfast and gladly gotten in the car to drive the suddenly all the reasonable two hours to the house outside of the city limits where Rollins and Rumlow were living. Steve was still wrapping his head around the Strike Commander living a domestic life with his stony-faced Second and he was absolutely still smarting from the betrayal. A teammate, someone had considered a friend, was now an enemy but for the sake of Winter — and it was Winter, not Bucky — Steve could put it on the back burner. 

It wasn't completely selfish although Steve had trouble believing it at times. Especially when his entire body felt lax relief after leaving him at the house like some poorly behaved lab going back to the shelter. Winter liked being there far better than being at the Tower and he made that clear by isolating himself from everyone and vanishing into the night back when they lived in the city. 

Steve had gotten used to the calls at odd hours reporting Winter had let himself in and was asleep in their bathtub or under the sink or table. It always made Steve sick: where these places they made him sleep when he was the Asset? He didn't dare ask, afraid that he answer would make him do something Winter would never forgive him for like hurting his precious Commander or 'Agent Rollins'. Brock was no longer a Commander and Jack wasn't an Agent but in Winter's world this seemed to be a temporary hang up. 

Steve preferred the calls from Jack. He was short and to the point, never impolite and he didn't seek out ways to bother Steve the way Brock did. He didn't say things like 'your dog showed up here' or 'that damn stray got into my place again' just to make Steve angry. If Jack was mad about Insight or the Winter Soldier trials or anything that happened in their past he hid it well. 

Steve had dropped him off on Tuesday and at three am that Friday, Jarvis woke him from one of his never-ending nightmares seconds before the first impatient rap on the apartment door. Steve had shuffled out on high alert fully aware it was Winter and Jack. Naturally he feared something had happened to Brock. He wasn't a fan but the idea of Winter going through such a loss made his insides clench up like he'd been submerged in icy water. 

Steve had hardly gotten the door open when Winter forced himself in the rest of the way. Still sleepy Steve hit the wall with far more force than he was sure Winter intended and Jack made a noise in his throat like Winter was a dog that pulling too hard at its lead. Steve watched the metal hand twitch like he wanted to flip Jack off — something he was fond enough to do to others but Steve hadn't seen directed toward Jack yet — but instead he hunched his shoulders and stormed off. The sound of him slamming his door made Steve sigh but when he heard a fist going through the wall he found himself apologizing. "Don't apologize for him," Jack said immediately, like everyone else. "I know it's early but uh... Thought it was time to cut the visit short." 

Steve nodded somewhat numbly. This was unusual and it deserved further investigation but the hour was not appropriate. 

"Can I call you tomorrow?" Steve asked. 

He shouldn't have asked. Clint said he was far too civil with the ex-Hydra agents. Bucky was a victim, not the child of a divorced couple but sometimes that was exactly what he felt like. 

"Yeah. I ought to start heading back.”

Jack rubbed the back of his neck, a tell of discomfort he'd noticed around the trials when talking about the way the other agents had used the Soldier. He maintained that he and Brock hadn't — wouldn't — and Bucky (or Winter perhaps; back then the line was so blurred Steve didn't trust telling them apart) confirmed this. Steve wanted to believe him because he couldn't be looking in the face of a rapist. But Jack didn't seem the type. While it made Steve's stomach churn he had to admit that Jack and Brock both seemed to care for Winter.

It was odd hearing that midwestern accent creep into his voice. Steve never heard him speak much on missions save for short comm checks or banter with the team. For a moment Steve almost thought fondly of all the 'blue falcons' tossed among them and he remembered that it was the team that had lied and manipulated him. The team that kept Bucky hostage and played key roles in his torture. He wasn't allowed to miss them; had no right to forgive them. 

"Safe trip." Steve said because Christ he couldn't help but be polite. "Need coffee for the ride?"

Jack gave him a funny look. Moss green eyes burned into his blue ones, searching for an answer as to why he would say some damn thing like that. Especially when they both knew neither wanted that. Jack was civil but he didn't like Steve any better than he had when he was a Second in Command. Probably even less now he's blown a major operation all to hell. Jack Rollins had believed in the cause but he had admitted that the way they went about it wasn't right. Steve had to give him some points for recognizing that much. 

"I'll talk to you tomorrow Rogers." Jack shook his head with a ghost of something like mirth under the heavy exhaustion in his voice. "Take care of Winnie for me."

Take care of Winnie for me. Steve wanted to grab him by the goddamn throat and tell him to shove it up his ass. The nickname was probably nothing but 'Winter' was hard enough to swallow without anything extra bring poured over. 

"I mean Winter, sorry." How Jack could read him with his back turned was beyond Steve. Sometimes he thought he and Brock were enhanced. Maybe that was why Shield had tolerated their freedom. They never let potential go without use; no matter how wrong it may be. "You still wear your emotions on your sleeve Captain — especially when tired. Get some sleep."

With his skin crawling and his mind feeling violated, Steve closed the door with extra force and tried to remember they were highly skilled, like Nat, who could pick his mind with the same ease. They probably knew him just as well from their time together. He was being foolish. 

And did it really matter with Winter so upset? Steve paused in the hallway in front of Winter's door. He knew whatever kindness he offered would be shoved back into his face, probably crudely, but he couldn't help but knock. 

"Leave me alone." That sounded an awful lot like Bucky. It was a warbling near tears but too damn stubborn to break down. It made Steve think of the Depression and when Bucky got laid off. 

"I'm here if you want to talk." Steve didn't say Bucky but tacked it on mentally because maybe, just maybe, his Bucky was back. "Jack said things didn't go too well?"

There was nothing but silence. No breathing. For a moment, Steve wanted to barrel in to assure that Winter hadn't hurt himself or was trying to escape out the window. The latter he had done plenty in the past but it still made Steve freeze up in fear; it was high up and the Tower did not offer much for purchase when scaling. Winter was incredible in the field however, as he liked to boast, he was the best Soldier which seemed like a jab at Steve but he wasn't so easily offended on the matter. 

However Bucky or Winter had been holding his breath for a while. "Winter?" he tried because even when Bucky was here he never snapped the way Winter did when he was called the wrong name. Bucky just smiled grimly and corrected him. "You okay?"

"Fine," a jagged exhale that was much closer to a dry sob escaped and Steve rested his palm against the door. It was a futile effort; rarely if ever did Winter let Steve in enough to try and comfort him. "Fuck off Steve."

He could hear the tears in his voice and recognized that Winter did not break down often. Steve gave him the privacy he wanted even though it made his chest ache with guilt and the need to fix whatever it was that had upset him. Steve should have asked Jack because the possibilities tormented him. Tony assured Steve that he was 'monitoring' them, to make sure they weren't going back to Hydra now they had regular access to Bucky. Any reproach he had to it vanished when he flipped through the Winter Soldier files. The torture, the pain, the suffering. They lost their right to privacy when they took away Bucky's. Of course anything that disrupted what little pleasure Winter got from life was awful. 

Steve returned to his bedroom, to a tangle of sheets still damp with cold sweat. The nightmares were normal and would ease off, the shrink had told him. They were no less intense now as they were in the beginning. But it worse when the bed was empty — there was nobody (no Bucky) to wrap their arms around him and assure him it was okay. 

Steve didn't end up falling back asleep but he hadn't expected to. He sat up with a low lamp on at this desk and drew. He didn't pay attention to the pencil marks just letting them go as they pleased and when the alarm went off and jerked him from the stupor he was confronted with Winter's face — scowling but crying. Steve felt a flush work up his cheeks as he closed it hastily shoved it in a drawer. No need to dwell and no time either; he was starving and then would meet Sam for a run. 

He put on a pot of coffee, certain that Winter would complain about it for one thing or another. Lately wanted it iced. "Iced Steve, like you were in the Valkyrie."

Steve never tried to get ahead of Winter anymore but he did set apart enough coffee to be cool enough to add to ice. He coached himself not to fold to the pressure of appeasing any intentionally difficult requests because he felt bad about last night. He wouldn't, he wouldn't, he wouldn't. 

But, he probably would. 

Winter didn't end up appearing before he left. He debated whether writing a note was appropriate or if it would just piss him off. Eventually he did write the note, to make himself feel better. 

Winter, eat whatever you'd like for breakfast. If you want to cook that's fine or you can wait until I'm back and I can cook you something.  
Steve

He met with Sam and he gave him a questioning look when he saw Steve’s grim smile. "What's wrong?" It was a light warm up jog, a good time to chat. "Isn't he with Rumlow?"

"Nope, he came back this morning." Sam quirked a brow, the unasked question hanging between them.

"He didn't tell me what happened." Steve was still awaiting that call from Jack. He wondered why it was taking so long — Jack has always been an early riser back when he was with Strike. On occasion he rose before Steve which was no easy feat. "I tried to ask but..."

‘But you know how he is’ he didn't say but he wanted to. Because he knew Sam would nod his head and agree what a pain in the ass Winter was. But then Steve would carry that criticism and feel bad about it all day.

"He'll talk when he's ready." Sam looked down at his smart watch. "Too bad Barnes isn't around. He'd be really into that convention we were talking about."

Oh. As if Steve didn't have enough on his mind had completely forgotten (or maybe he had intentionally put it to the back of his mind) about the tech convention that Sam and Bucky were dragging him to. Tony had gotten the tickets and some fancy passes to allow them watch unveil some new gadget of sorts. Honestly Steve didn't understand how everything hadn't already been invented yet, especially with Tony on it. 

Lord knows he was always working on something. "Maybe he'll be back." It was weird to say and even weirder in all actuality. "Hopefully."

"Or maybe we could offer it to Winter." Sam said casually and Steve scoffed. "I'm serious. I imagine he's bored and that's part of it."

"If it's not mission related Winter doesn't care," Steve said. "Trust me on that."

"He's changed a lot," Sam argued. "Maybe not for the better but he has changed. He just needs to find a hobby."

Find a hobby was definitely Sam's go to for advice. Keep busy, stop thinking. Steve had gotten back into drawing and it did help, if only to eat up time he would of otherwise spent obsessing about something. "I imagine he does something to keep busy with Brock and Jack." Steve couldn't help the way his face twisted up. Sam didn't miss it. "I mean... They don't send him on missions over there and he doesn't hate every second."

It could have been that he hated Steve. That didn't seem so far fetched. 

"Maybe go over with him." Steve regretted the conversation immediately. Sam wanted to fix Winter because he'd helped fix Bucky and Steve and he was invested. Steve didn't want anyone else poking their fingers into their fire — he could handle the burns because he was enhanced. "Be a part of things. Maybe you'd have fun."

Steve slowed his jog to give a look of incredulousness bordering on anger at the suggestion. Sam knew how much it bothered him; how hard it was for Steve to trust his own judgment. The fact he missed being a part of their team and having someone who (appeared) to want to spend time with him. No strings, no eye rolls at his dated ways, no one to find him boring. Well, Rumlow used to say he was boring but not Rollins. 

Sam held his hands up in surrender. "Or not. I'm just saying, you wanna get ahead of him — "

"I don't." Steve interrupted because he didn't. He wasn't trying to pull one over or to force Winter to feel anything. Winter and Bucky were different. "Sometimes I want to say hell with it and send him packing but — Bucky's in there too."

"And when Bucky's out here — Winter's in there too." Sam said it so plainly but Steve felt like he missed a step. If only there was a way to make two minds two different bodies. "I don't mind him when he's not being an asshole."

"He's always..." an asshole. "So guarded. It's hard to see his good sides."

Sam gave him a pitying look but it didn’t reassure Steve. If anything it made the guilt tunnel even deeper. 

He had to be better for Winter. Just didn’t know how.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed!


End file.
